Streak-Free Smile

by Kaya

My brother and I had just finished eating lunch with Grandpa Caleb. We were up in his room trying to resolve his latest computer/digital camera/cell phone problem (being 92 years old and clumsy is tough on fragile electronics). Having lunch with grandpa is always a pleasure. It gives us a chance to soak up some wisdom from a spiritual thinker and it gives him a chance to spend time with his grandsons. It’s also a time to challenge what you believe to be true – such as trusting the label on a bottle.

I had gone into his bathroom to wash my hands when I saw a large bottle of turquoise blue “Cool Mint” Scope. I had eaten some onions in my salad and thought that a swig of good ol’ minty Scope might take the edge off my harsh breath. I picked up the big plastic bottle and poured myself a capful. As I began to swish the liquid in mouth I noticed that my tongue seemed to be getting numb. And it didn’t taste quite right. Where’s that familiar and pleasing mint taste? Why am I sweating and why is my mouth uncontrollably contorting?

Wait a minute…

My mind raced as my face grimaced. What the hell is this that I’m rinsing my teeth with?! I hysterically spit out the blue liquid and drank some water. I looked around in the bathroom for clues of what I had just put in my mouth and why was it in a Scope bottle?

Does Scope go bad? Had this mouthwash expired and that’s why my tongue is numb? Was my grandpa storing top-secret chemicals for the CIA? Had he been buying cologne in bulk and keeping it in a Scope jar? Or, was Scope now making cologne and selling it in 32 ounce plastic bottles?

All of these plausible solutions were quickly laid to rest as I spotted a very large and very empty refill bottle of Windex window cleaner.

“Um…grandpa? Is this Scope in the Scope bottle? I’m not so sure that it is.”

He assured me that, indeed, the bottle marked “Scope” was Scope mouthwash. When I showed him the empty bottle of Windex and told him I believed the two might have been combined (for whatever reason) he grabbed for the supposed bottle of mouthwash. Before I could convince him of my certainty of this fact, and that there was no need for him to put it in his mouth, he took a swig.

“Wait!”

He pursed his lips and nodded in agreement as he swallowed the cool mint/ammonia concoction. As he poured out the bottle he remarked, “Yep, that’s Windex all right. I guess I need to buy more Scope!”

Um. Yes. You do. But you really shouldn’t be swallowing mouthwash. And you definitely shouldn’t be swallowing Windex. And why would you combine the two anyway? Was it a decision simply based on color or was there a more creative motive? He didn’t seem too worried so I let it go.

All I know is my teeth have a streak-free shine that they’ve never had before.