World Series of Stereotype Poker

by Kaya

I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but poker is the hottest televised “sport” around. Poker. The card game. How is it fun to watch people sitting around a table playing cards? This sounds intolerable in person, why would anyone watch this on TV? Yet somehow, there are 47 new shows dedicated to poker tournaments.

And I must admit, despite logic and reason, these poker showdowns are surprisingly entertaining to watch.

I don’t even understand all the rules, but I find myself rooting for certain players and fascinated by the color commentary.

“Ol’ Bill took a tough draw on this game of Texas Hold ‘Em. He’s got deuces on the backside with Jade sitting in the driver’s seat with her Queens matching in the flop.”

I have no idea what this means, but I start to really want Ol’ Bill to do well. I suppose it’s the cast of characters that really grab our attention. The game is fine, with the strategies, mathematical odds and luck. A full house beats a flush and a straight beats three of a kind, etc. But the cast of characters is what keeps me watching.

It’s as if a B-movie producer found people to play the role of “Card Shark #3” in a casino caper flick. Each person represents an clichéd stereotype. There’s the good ol’ boy in a cowboy hat, strong southern accent and red face. He plays a rough ‘n’ rowdy style of poker and let’s his balls hang out on every hand. Then there’s the wiry Asian with shoulder length hair and shifty eyes hiding behind slightly tinted sunglasses. He never speaks and hardly even moves while playing – he also has a ethnically-questionable nickname like “The Jade Monkey” or “Zen Dragon”.

Next is the way-too-cool black guy with a slick suit on and mirrored sunglasses. He smiles brightly when he wins and stares down opponents when he loses. He also has a nickname or two...something like “T-Bone” or “Cool Daddy”. There’s also always a guy that appears to have kept up his ‘look’ since he established it in 1983. He wears a thin moustache, big dark glasses reminiscent of “Blue Blockers” (as seen on TV infomercial years ago) and an awkwardly patterned shirt. He looks like a bit like a bad guy from “The Fall Guy” or “The A-Team”. Not the main bad guy, but one of the cronies in the background.

I keep checking back at these poker tournaments not just to see who wins, but to see what ethnic stereotype will appear next. Like villains in a James Bond movie, I expect to see an overweight bald man stroking a Persian cat delicately with a slight smirk on his face. Or a Hispanic man with a large moustache wearing a sombrero and a brightly-colored poncho. Maybe even a few rows of bullets worn across his chest like an intimidating sash to complete the look. He’ll sit across from the Nazi wearing fatigues and a World War II war helmet who screams out German obscenities every time he folds. Welcome to the World Series of Stereotype Poker!

As entertaining as these folks are, I’m still amazed at the amount of poker shows. My Dad accidentally ‘told’ his TiVO that he liked televised poker and it filled up the memory in a couple of days. At least he can fast forward through the agonizingly slow internal debate before each player’s move. Tell me again why this is interesting?

Now if ‘Strip Poker’ were televised...