January 20, 2004
Porn Convention 2004by Halcyon
(note: this is "adult" in nature)
Porn Convention 2004: “Money Shot as Mandala”
Tabitha Stevens asks me, "Would you pleasure me anally?" photo - Jonno
When all the porn people come together, the world gets a little bit sexier.
And I’m not just talking about the eye candy.
I mean, it is glorious beyond words to see Jenna Jameson in the hotel bar or
Devon in the buffet line… but there is more to a porn convention than
porn stars. There is an entire industry. Directors, writers, photographers,
bodyguards, PR people, amateur hobbyists, appreciative celebrities, press of
all sorts, and fans.
Wrap a few thousand of these people in the decadent furnishings of the Venetian in Las Vegas, and you have a very unique environment.
You can ask for your salad with “extra Ranch, bukakke-style” and people will know what you’re talking about. You can discuss the curvature of Jake Stead’s penis while in line to pick up a convention badge. You
can look people in the eye with the shame-free understanding that everyone around you is at peace with their porn.
This is more unusual than you think. I mean, I am pretty comfortable with my love of porn. But it is rare that I have 2 way conversations about it. I think
about porn and sex and art a lot. So having intelligent conversations with smart, spiritual, porn-loving people is rare.
It’s not all about the sexual aspects of porn, either. It is the whole
taboo sex industry scene. One cool Canadian I hung out with said, “Some guys love baseball. For me, its porn.” And its true, some guys can name off every movie a starlet has been in as if he was rattling off the number of home runs Babe Ruth got each season. A porn fan is more than someone who enjoys watching people have sex.
So while the superhuman cleavage filling the Venetian was certainly a treat, the most wonderful (and surprising) thing about the porn convention was that it proved to be an extremely fertile ground for discussing sexuality.
+++
I found myself having discussions about sex on so many levels.
- The physical enjoyment of it.
- The shame/pride associated with it.
- The selling/exploitation of it.
- The spiritual potential of it.
- The inherent love in it.
- The gender issues involved with it.
- The power exchange inherent in it.
- Etc. etc. XXXcetera.
During one personal epiphany, I found myself trying to explain the porn fan
mentality to a writer friend from Rolling Stone over a lunch of noodles and
tempura. Of course, since the porn experience is so varied, what I really was
doing was sharing a bit of my perosnal psyche…learning about myself along the way.
I tried to explain that what hooks me to porn are those rare pure moments.
Those moments when an actress is in tune with her partner – it could be a gasp, a look, or body arch. It’s the same phenomenon that makes reality TV so compelling: that even in those ridiculous scripted scenarios, we might see a glimpse of someone’s true self. An exasperated gasp or exclamation of pure joy are the pure humanness we crave.
Porn has always offered those moments. Sometimes you have to look long and hard for them (or long and flaccid, as the case may be) but they are there.
I think the true art of pornography, and of being a porn starlet is to be able
to cultivate and relax into those moments, even with all the extra pressures
and people around.
So, once in a while – certainly less than once per video- you come across a moment that hits all your triggers. A facial expression, a natural rhythm, or an out of breath groan -- that just seems divine. It is a glimpse of all
that is pure about sexuality.
The moment highlights that connection to the transcendence possible with sexual union. The moment captures a purity. It captures a link to a level of awareness beyond the day to day. From my perspective, it is a link to the divine.
(At this point I probably need to explain that I see the sexual climax
as a transcendent moment. That, when experienced fully, it is the most profound spiritual experience we experience in a day-to-day way. One reason why I am so interested in sex is because it is sort of a back-door to discuss spirituality.
You can reject religion in general, but “touch god” daily with the help of a Hitachi magic wand. And, yes, I acknowledge that meditation probably provides a different type of daily transcendence, but I lack that discipline and experience at this stage in my life to speak to that.)
So, to have that transcendent moment captured on film, is powerful. Its like watching the moment when an Olympian breaks the world record…the look on their face when they go beyond themselves. Except people have these moments much more regularly in the bedroom.
I have specific fragments of porn scenes that I have watched 20, 50, 100 times.
So these video fragments (or magazine images) become like Mandalas we focus our masturbation/meditation on.
It is no wonder that a porn fan has an unexplainable connection with a porn
star. In some ways, it is like meeting a saint and coming face to face with
someone who has been a part of your daily spiritual/sexual journey.
Yeah, The Rolling Stone journalist was a bit skeptical, too. “Did you say, ‘Mandalas?’” she asked. But the point was that it was a legitimate conversation in this setting. And I never would have given my self the opportunity to explore the idea except in that environment. Where else on the planet would a “Money Shot as Mandala” discussion been appropriate?
+++
It has been a week since the conference. My body needed a full week to recover from fatigue and illness. I am finally feeling lucid in my head. Now I need to go back and sort through all the ideas and inspiration my dirty mind generated in that magic city of sin.
Luckily I have digital photos to remind me and a bunch of DVD samplers I picked up from the convention floor booths. Who knows…somewhere between the pizza
boy’s arrival and the credits, there could be another magic mandala to
find.
Perhaps it is the individual’s never-ending quest for the next mandala that fuels this billion dollar industry.
Hmmm….I guess that is a conversation for another time. Hopefully I won’t have to wait for next year’s convention to have it.
xoxo
My Tales from previous years at AVN:
+Halcyon & the Porn Factory
+ Interview with Chloe
by Halcyon at January 20, 2004 08:39 PM
Very well written!!
Too many people around here almost gag if you bring up a conversation about sex, or porn or ANYTHING in that genre.
It sucks not being able to have that intelligent conversation about something that is still considered "taboo".
Jenna... *swoons*
Maybe it's the people I meet, but I've never not been able to have an open and frank discussion about sex, as well as being kinky.
But then, I usually don't hang around many people who aren't open to sexuality. It's a big part of who we are.
I'm an avid porn watcher as well. I'm also as much of a voyuer as I am an exhibishionist, so seeing a porn movie where the girls/guys are really getting into it, that's when I start to really enjoy my porn!
Here's to being able to talk freely about sex whenever you want to!
ya know john, you take jerking off more seriously than ANYONE i know.
;-)
not that this is a bad thing.
One of the reasons I like your site so much is that I can feel this sense of your goodness, but you express it in a way that is very different than what makes sense in my own life. This entry really sums it up for me. I relate to what you are saying in so many ways - about sex being spiritual in nature and a window into the divine behind everyday life, but where I have to stretch the capacity of my understanding is around the porn aspect of it. In my own world, porn in any form makes me feel literally ill, as if I've eaten bad soul cheese :)but also sad and alone. When I have a lover in my life, the sex is good - that sex-as-religion stuff you've mentioned - so it isn't the sex edge that doesn't resonate. But I read what you've written and it seems to just liberate you somehow, seems to provide such a wondrous window for you . . . not sure what I'm getting at - maybe just that I'm grateful for a place where I can come and look at the ways that people express and look for goodness in their lives that are different than my own - or maybe just to tell you that I liked your convention story . . . glad you are feeling better :)
I have a strange habit of mentally imagining that I occupy the mental space of others. Sometimes it is scary--like when I think about what it is like to be Donald Rumsfeld. Other times it is difficult and hard to do--like being a woman who loves men and knows they love porn but who can't stand porn.
I agree with Katherine: Bad soul cheese. 8 day old Dunkin' Donuts. Other metaphors of blech.
(OK, sports poses a similar problem although I find it easier to imagine loving sports but the men I love also love porn way more than sports.) So I appreciate so much what you wrote as a new angle on something seemingly easy to dismiss.
I still don't get it--I still doubt I could see what you see. To me, there is simply no beauty whatsoever and it bears no relation to the beauty of actual sex. It would be like aesthetically appreciating the interior of a McDonald's restaurant. Nevertheless, you've done such a beautiful job explaining what you see.
YA know...I have this dream of capturing something that women like you two would find beautiful.
Capturing the sex of people in love...if even for a night. (I believe you can love someone for a night.)
People can be in love, for a night. I call it spiritual connection. Sometimes you meet someone, and there's that spark, so you follow it through, then you loose them the next day.
The next time I'm up against a hotel window, I'll see if I can't get a friend on the roof of an apartment close by. Although I get camera shy ;)
Your right though, I'd absolutely love to see two people in love romping. Wait, I have ;) Just not on tape.
wow. i find this to be an exceptionally deep conversation for an industry laden with titles like "bang bus" and "milf hunter" and "anal invaders #17."
yep. nothing more spiritual than a good teenage bukakke video.
i really need to hang with you at a convention some time to see what he sees. john, this is a conversation over too many drinks i would love to have.
maybe it's just me, but diving into porn has always been like splashing around in the shallow end of sexuality. i'm not saying there is anything wrong with the shallow end. i'm balls deep in that dirty water perhaps a bit too much for my own good.
As luck would have it, we deal with these very subjects on my pirate radio station, Radiofreekoyote.com, because it has always been my dream to produce/distribute a brand of "spiritual porn" that is off the charts... I too have seen those moments on "film" where that one expression, that one groan kind of initiates a different level of connection, both between the actors and the audience... I mean, the time when two or more people connect on the most basic and primal levels... which is indeed about as high as any human being can get... but only a slight indication of where we can be...
Now, if we can get a billion or more of us doing this same thing at the same moment, we may have just changed the way the world operates... forever...
When is the next convention scheduled for, next year, in January?
please keep me posted, or put my e-mail address on your e-mail list, thanx...
I don't really think your thoughts are right. Maybe you need a loan?
PLease send the dates for the 2005 convention, I am insterested in booking a booth
keep me posted on the 2005 convention.
when is the next porno convention(awards)in vegas
keep me posted for the 2005 dates
could anyone tell me when the 2005 vegas event is OR any related events / fundraisers in NYC over the next couple months???
i just found about this on bmezine.com and just wanted to know if there was going to be one for 2005 and if so where?!
Keep me posted for upcoming eve
just wondering the dates of the 2005 convention. Also, where will the best parties be and how do I get in...
Chloe
When and where is the upcoming 2005 convention?
I would like as many people as possible to e-mail me with their opinions about the positive or negative implications of multiple partner sexual activities. My son and I are interested in pursuing such new endeavors together.
When and where is the upcoming 2005 convention?
I am interested in attending the next pron convention. Could you please send me some information as it arises?
Thank You
Please Let Me Know When The 2005 Porn Convention Is Coming Up Its My First Time............
