Teachin' and Learnin'

by Kaya

Working in education was quite an education. The education I received was both educating and education-related. I also learned how to clearly express myself.

Teaching high school students in an alternative education (read: dropout prevention) program was rewarding, frustrating, inspiring and mind-numbing at times. I suppose most jobs are all of those things at some point, but working with young people truly is unique. Looking into the impressionable eyes of a teenager and trying to convince them to focus on the magic of the Pythagorean Theorem (A squared plus B squared really equals C squared? My god! It’s….it’s beautiful.) instead of smoking pot out of an aluminum can with their friend’s older brother is both satisfying and impossible.

I really did enjoy being a teacher. When a student would do well in school for the first time and finally break free from whatever negative shell they’d been trapped in, I would feel like the greatest educator in the world. However, there were many times when I would be left speechless knowing that I hadn’t even made a dent in that shell.

One of the first times I was stunned was early on in my teaching career. I was discussing science with an eighteen year-old female student when she stopped the conversation, lowered her head and cocked one eyebrow. “Wait, Mr. Styn, you don’t believe in dinosaurs, do you?”

Wha? I didn’t realize this was up for discussion. I really didn’t have much of a rebuttal ready, as it didn’t occur to me that I might be debating this issue. Just as I don’t expect to defend gravity, photosynthesis or leprechauns. They’re just facts we all accept. I stuttered through evidence of fossils, etc. (which she was completely convinced were simply assorted rocks coincidentally shaped in a way that we might believe them to be bones) but it was hopeless. Somehow I was losing this debate and I had science and logic on my side. But how could there be identically shaped fossils/rocks all around the world? How did Michael Crichton write “Jurassic Park?” Why would Carl Sagan lie?

Collecting assignments from students was like a box of chocolates – you never knew when you’d get the one with the pink nougat-y soap flavored piece. I would receive art projects with not-so-subtle drug references (that a high school student would assume their teacher wouldn’t understand), essays copied directly from another source (including references to “diagram 4.2 below”…which, of course, was no where to be seen in the plagiarized version that I was reading) and math answers with all the odd numbers miraculously correct (which just happened to be listed in the back of the math textbook) without having to show any of the pesky process that lead to the answer.

My favorite response to a math problem?

#7. Answers may vary

That’s your answer? Your answer to number seven is that ‘answers may vary?’ The only incorrect answer to this question is ‘answers may vary.’ If you had written 3,548,976 or ‘Doug Llewelyn’ (the People’s Court reporter) or ‘banana hammock’ I wouldn’t have marked the answer wrong. At least pretend you didn’t just copy the back of the book.

I remember a student saying “Math sucks. Who invented math?” What a great question! I was so excited to answer. I told him that no one “invented” math, they simply put a name to what existed. Math simply is – and certain people throughout history have given a name to what happens. Pythagoras didn’t make the square of the length of the sides of a right triangle added together equal the square of the hypotenuse. It already does – he just pointed it out one night at a dinner party after having too much wine.

Needless to say, the student was not as excited at this revelation as I was. Then again I don’t recall enjoying the wonders of math in high school either. My interest in math was just above my interest in exploring snake handling or celibacy.

Grading essays was always an interesting experience. I never knew what lay before me. I may read a two-page, but one sentence and punctuation-free, essay on the Cliff’s Notes version of ‘The Scarlet Letter’ or a well researched report on the life of Edgar Allen Poe (who’s nanny would give him a gin-soaked rag to suck on to quiet him as a child. Which I happen to think should be considered child abuse. I mean, gin? Maybe if you dipped that rag in some tonic and lime first. Wouldn’t coconut rum or peppermint schnapps be more appropriate rag dipping treat for a toddler?) I think I learned the most from a 10th grade student who wrote about music in our society. Some of her gems from the essay:

“Old people like classical music because they think it’s good for their soul.” Well, that’s not too far off. It was followed up by, “Latin music stems from the ancient language, Latin.” Um…I’m not sure Ricky Martin is fluent in the language of Latin (unlike the well-versed Gloria Estefan). And the final straw in my questions about what ‘sources’ she was getting this information, “The greatest jazz musicians ever were Sammy Davis, Jr. and James Brown, both of whom are dead.” Ouch. I don’t even know where to begin on that one. I’m going to need more red pens.

Then there was the 11th grade student who asked me what day is was?

Jim: “It’s September 20th.”
Student: “Oh man, I missed my brother’s birthday.”
Jim: “When was it?”
Student: “Two weeks ago.”
Jim: *long sigh*
Student: “Hey, what month comes next?”
Jim: *Pause* “You don’t know your months?”
Student: “Nah, I never learned.”
Jim: “Sure, when are you going to know the months? I mean there are twelve…how does anyone keep them straight?”

I’m glad sarcasm doesn’t get you fired.

I also remember tutoring one student, in what may have been bizarro world, when the following conversation transpired.

“In looking at the progressive era in your history book, what do you think they meant by saying the city was run by “political machines?”

“Robots?”

“Um…almost. Well, what do you think was going on at the “sweatshops” they spoke of in this chapter?”

“They made sweats?”

“Close. Well, in your science book it discusses the concept of evolution. If we look at the make-up of members of the chimpanzee and see the similarities in human beings, what might we think happened?”

“Um…we screwed animals?”

I promise this actually happened. It can be tough to stay optimistic. And just when you think you’ve made a positive difference in someone’s educational career a student will break it all down for you.

I had asked a creative but dark 15 year-old if I could see her poetry. She told me, “You may not like my poems, they’re kind of depressing.”

Her 13 year-old sister replied, “That’s okay, he’s a teacher. He’s already depressed.”